“God has perfect timing… never early, never late. It takes a little patience, and it takes a lot of faith… but, it is worth the wait.” I remind myself of this quote often, and the paper with this saying on it still hangs on my refrigerator from almost three years ago. I have not taken it down because I have realized that this quote is so true and so relevant to so many life experiences and circumstances. But, the reason why this quotation is even on the Susi fridge? Well, that’s what I am about to explain to you…
Growing up, I was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic school from preschool to 8th grade. Since my childhood, I have always considered myself a believer in God and a person of faith, but I truly strengthened my faith and allowed God to be in control during a very difficult time in my life almost three years ago.
About four years ago, my husband, John, and I were having trouble starting a family. Becoming pregnant with a child is not as easy as some people think that it is. God blesses some people with an easy road in order to start a family; yet, He tests others with a more difficult road. God’s plan for John and me was the latter: a bumpy road with a few mountains along the way.
As we climbed the mountains and finally overcame some of the challenges, we found out in November of 2017 that I was pregnant! Our prayers had been answered! God was finally blessing us with a child! We could not have been more overjoyed. But, about a month later at only nine weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage. December 8th, 2017. The worst day of my life, and I think John would agree that it was his worst day as well. I will never forget the details of that day, and I will never forget those feelings… feelings that I have never felt and ones that I do not wish upon my worst enemy.
How could this happen? What is wrong with my body? What did I do to get punished like this? Throughout the days and weeks ahead, I was asking myself these questions and also questioning God about how He could let this happen. John and I had been praying for so long, and now here was our own angel. But, why God? Why did this happen? Why me? Why us? I had never questioned God like that before. I was so upset… so angry… and so depressed. I did not want to be around anyone who was pregnant, had kids, or was making birth announcements. I felt like everyone else was being blessed with children but us. What was God’s plan? More questions and more doubts kept arising… That was honestly the lowest point of my faith. I was not only questioning my faith but also questioning God’s will and His plan for my family and me. Thanks to a very special aunt (who knows exactly who she is) and the support that she gave to me, that’s when I added the quote to the refrigerator.
Having a miscarriage is something that a lot of people do not talk about. But, I am including this topic in my writing because I feel like it is something that God has people go through in order to learn, grow, and strengthen their faith; but, most importantly, it allows some people to realize that we are truly not in control. God is. God was in control during that time. He was in control of who supported John and me during that time. He was in control of the steps ahead. He was in control of what we learned and how we grew in our faith. Most of all, He was in control of us becoming pregnant again, and having our baby girl, Mira Rosemarie, on December 10th, 2018… two days after the anniversary of when our first angel went to heaven. God’s timing was perfect. He answered our prayers again, and He had this plan all along. He knew what was right for us, and He knew when everything would fall into place as long as we relied on Him.
As I look back on that time, I thank God for that time in our lives because He allowed me to get closer to Him. He brought me people in my life that supported me like no one else. He allowed me to appreciate my children that I have now so much more. I have a stronger faith now because of what happened. I thank God for our angel in heaven that continues to watch over us, and I thank God every day for the two angels that we have here on Earth: Mira and Cora. Like the saying, God truly does have perfect timing. It does take some patience, and it does take a lot of faith in Him. John and I think that our girls were worth the wait… So, whatever you are praying to God about today or down the road, it will be worth the wait, too!
Written by: Meghan Susi