Each person has their own journey with the Lord. For so long I was embarrassed and unwilling to share my journey with God because it was not always one that honored and brought glory to Him. Something I have had to learn is that God forgives me for this.
As I grew up, I attended church with my family every Sunday. I went to Sunday school each week and always went to vacation bible school in the summer. As I got older, the visits to church became more infrequent and then suddenly, they had stopped all together. Once in high school my desire to return to church arose, because it felt as though something was missing in life. My parents happily agreed, and we attended as many Sundays as possible. I had not yet given my life to God, accepting him as my Lord and Savior, but I enjoyed having his presence in my life. This continued until the middle of my junior year of high school. Then I experienced the greatest heartbreak of my life.
At just 17 years old, I unexpectedly lost my dad to a major heart attack. I had lost my best friend, my protector, my biggest cheerleader, and my role model. I felt lost and I did not know where to turn. People tried to comfort me by saying, “God needed him.” This left me angry - how could they claim that God needed my father more than I did? They would again try to comfort me saying, “just trust in God for he has a bigger plan ahead.” How did they know God’s plan for me and why would a loving and justified God take away the one person that I loved the most?
I turned my back on the Lord. I was angry and filled with hate. I doubted God's existence because I could not understand how the one who is supposed to love you the most filled me with so much emptiness.The tears and hours of sadness were constant, the feeling of loneliness often consumed me. I reached the lowest point in my life. Then, with it looking like there was nowhere else to turn, I found God waiting with open arms.
No matter how many hurtful or hateful things that I screamed at Him, God never turned His back on me. No matter how many times I doubted His love and existence, God never turned His back on me. No matter how many sins I had committed in my time apart from Him, God never turned His back on me. Satan was there, trying to pull me away from God, whispering words of doubt in my ear each chance that he had. But God’s love will always prevail
I leapt into the arms of the Lord and filled my heart with His love. Soon my days were not so filled with sadness and the loneliness started to fade. I accepted God as my Lord and Savior, knowing that only He knows the plan in store for me. My life is in the hands of the Lord because before I was ever created, He had a plan - it may be different from the one I so desperately want but it is the one destined for me.
My journey with the Lord made me think of a tapestry that hung on the wall of my grandparents’ house. I must have read it repeatedly trying to understand the meaning. Now, so many years later I finally understand. God will never let you walk through the hard times in life alone - He will carry you through it all.
By: Saylor Spilinek
The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against Him."Daniel 9:9
