The Lord Calmed my Storm
Channing Thomas
It is 9:56am and I have to be at my meeting at 10am. “I am going to be late, I still need to brush my teeth, grab my lunch, lint roll and get on the road. I am going to lose my job. There is no point in me even going anymore. I am such a failure. I just want to die. I hate my life. Why does this always happen to me...” I began crying, talking negatively towards myself and about myself. I started slamming doors, the list could go on and on. I was so frustrated, because it seemed like one thing after another kept happening. I couldn’t help myself but think about the anxieties of what was to come. I ended up going into work, but I was late to my meeting. I messed up my presentation, forgot my notes but my coworkers and boss were pleased with my presentation and what I had to say. I hurried home after the meeting—the whole way home, I kept saying to myself “I am just no good. This is why I should’ve never went. They were only applauding me so there was no awkward silence.” Once I got home, I did not even eat dinner. I dismissed my family and went to my room to be alone. This is a never ending cycle...until now. For years now, I have dealt with anxiety. Just a few weeks ago, I was working myself up so much about my anxiety, getting to the point of self harm, self hatred and a blurred vision of reality. So I opened my Bible, and asked God for help because I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I have read of endless miracles Jesus has performed; He has run demons out of demon-possessed men, He has healed the blind, there is what seems like an infinite amount of miracles the Lord has done and will continue to do. I know if I can count on anyone, it is Jesus Christ, my Savior. The pain I was putting myself through, diagnosing myself, telling myself nothing but negative things, was the reason I was not able to overcome and everything seemed so gloomy. In the bible, the book of Matthew 8:23-8:25, Jesus and his disciples are going on a boat to the region of the Gadarenes. After just boarding the boat and taking off, Jesus goes to sleep. His disciples are awake and a large, abrupt storm comes while they are at sea. His disciples say, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” He then got up and rebuked the winds and the storm and everything was calm again. Reading this scripture, I was able to realize what the message God was giving me. It was then I realized that I’ve been lacking faith just as they were. A lot of this anxiety was because I wanted to be in control of how things would go. When things went wrong or didn’t go as planned, I was not leaning onto my father, I was not giving myself a chance to even truly evaluate situations thoroughly, to take a step back and pray, or breath because I was already giving up on myself and putting myself down. While old habits and changes don’t happen over night, each day a curve ball is thrown at me, I no longer see it as the end of the world or beat myself down. Instead, these are tests; the Lord is counting on me remain strong, to remain faithful and to lean unto Him in times of worry. If I feel myself becoming anxious, I pray. Again, in the book of Matthew, 9:4, the Lord asks, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts.” The Lord was spoke to me in this scripture. I believe we shall no longer entertain those untrue, evil thoughts. We shall pray to Our Father, to drive out those thoughts and negative feelings and we must fill ourselves with His Word. I am so grateful for the Lord, my Father, for keeping me strong in situations I was ready to take my life. Not because things were truly that bad, my faith just hadn’t fully been into Jesus Christ.